I said utter not udder. You thought this was gonna be aureoles and teats didn't cha?

Just thought I'd share some comments and quotes from a few of the people who contributed to the malformation of my psyche.
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"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart

"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot."
-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
-Winston Churchill

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
-His reply

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
-David Daye

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-W.C. Fields

"Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink."
-W.C. Fields

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Benjamin Franklin

"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck."
-Warwick Franks

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemingway

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."
-Abraham Lincoln

"We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old."
-Martin Luther

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
-David Mouton

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
-Homer Simpson

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
-Homer Simpson

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
-Frank Sinatra

"Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink."
-Whitstran Brewery sign

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
-Oscar Wilde

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-Henny Youngman
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Two of Churchill's colleagues were said to be overheard arguing about his drinking;
"The man's an alcoholic!"
"Ridiculous, and alcoholic couldn't drink that much!"


Another occasion where he encountered a socialist Parliament member;
"You sir are drunk!"
"And you madame are ugly. In fact, you are very ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall wake up sober."
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Bill Clinton however was always in a class by himself. The defining moment of my adult life had to be the day that I heard the President of the United States ask for the definition of the word "is", as in "is is is?"

But without a doubt, his true crowning moment of glory had to be the day that he straightened out all of the wives of the world and freed the slaves (the husbands), with his never to be forgotten Fellatio ne Circumvenio Proclamation .
As gifted and glib a spontaneous orator of the unlikeliest coincidences (bullshitter) as I am, I had to take my hat, and my pants, off that day to the prez. Only he would have the brontosaurus sized balls needed to stand up in front of the world and sincerely declare that blow jobs aren't really cheating.
In an instant Mr. Clinton had undone the precedent behind ages of divorce case law.
I am still awed by the man's shear audacity. Makes Frederick the Great look like a complete pussy.

I just can't wait to see what our second black president has up his sleeve that can top that...maybe teaching the country that counting debt in trillions is a sign of a recovering economy and top flight fiscal management? My money's on a great big Cap and Trade suppository for each and every citizen...with a radio tracking device buried inside.
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I'm just like all the other irresponsible asses of our country. I can't be held accountable for anything 'cuz I'm just an unfortunate byproduct of my environment. My mother didn't breast feed me, my father beat me and I suffer from low self esteem...oh yeah, and I gots ADD.
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Ask not what your country can do for you,

Get up off of your ass and do it for yourself!